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I purchased this gizmo to play a prank on my husband Brad, who still prattles on about his "fourth-kind" encounter when he was just thirteen. (The 4th kind involves a probe, if you're wondering. I keep saying it was likely his redneck neighbor dressed as ET, but that possibility is too dreadful for him to truly accept.)

On the anniversary of Brad's alleged abduction, I placed the device by our bedside, then set-up an electromagnetic wave generator under the bed, with a timer to go off right at midnight. (If you're wondering where to get one, I recommend the Skymall Catalog. I also picked up some Motivational posters and fake garden rock speakers to save on shipping. You're welcome.)

But back to my prank. It was all set to go, and I was as giddy as a six year old waiting for Santa. But like a typical six year old, I fell asleep before the damn thing went off. I awoke to the flashing of multiple LEDs from the UFO-02 Detector, and bolted up, eager to see Brad's petrified face. Aha!

But Brad wasn't there.

In fact, I wasn't even in our bedroom any more. Instead, I stood face-to-face with Leonardo da Vinci. Or perhaps it was Professor Dumbledore, I'm not really certain. In either event, It was a manifestation that the being I shall call the "Intelligence" had determined my brain would most easily accept for deliverance of The Message.

You see, the Intelligence had come to convey to us humans that the Imperative was nigh, that what we loosely dub the Singularity was only the beginning of a limitless existence unbounded by physical space and time, and that sugar-free alternatives are actually WORSE for us than the real deal. He made sure that last point was clear by making me repeat it twice.

When I came to, Brad was sound asleep in his tin foil hat, the UFO-02 detector was gone, and, sure enough, all of my Splenda had been replaced with little, brown raw sugar packets.

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It was Christmas morning, I was opening gift after gift, a laptop here, a vacuum cleaner there, and there all dusty behind the tree was my last gift. I tore off the blue snowflake paper to reveal a large, brown, rectangular box. This was my sisters gift to me. She stared intently at me as I took the lid off of the box. I opened the box to find 4 sheets of paper with reviews of a so-called "Three wolf one moon T-shirt". I didn't think much of it at first, but as I read more and more of the reviews, I knew. I knew this wasn't just any wolf shirt. This was something more. I read the warnings, so when I took the papers off I made sure to not stare too long, but it was hard not to. I was face to face with the most magnificent shirt I had ever seen. EVER. It brought tears to my eyes. I hadn't seen anything like it. I lifted the shirt out of the box, I could feel the magic radiating throughout the whole living room. It was so strong my whole family had to stop what they were doing to watch me. The whole house was green with envy. My brother threw his new iPhone 6 plus, sending it crashing against the wall. "WHERES MY THREE WOLF ONE MOON T-SHIRT" He screamed, tears burning in his eyes. Father immediately lit his new neck tie on fire. Mom flushed her diamonds down the toilet. The dog pooped himself. Then, my sister proceed to shave her head in protest and insisted she be now called Peter. Meanwhile, as I stood, I realized I had grown 3 inches and my acne
disappeared. I felt the happiest I had ever been. This was truly the best Christmas I had ever had in my entire 15 years on earth. I would recommend this product to anyone who is looking to improve quality of life. When wearing the shirt, I can do almost anything. I can do one-handed push ups & I can crack an egg with one hand. Not only that, I know the last digit of pi.

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My husband Brad always warns me not to try and update my Facebook page while I'm driving. "You'll hit another pedestrian," he says. "This isn't the Enterprise, there isn't a deflector array." Then along comes a miracle product like this! I can now happily fly at warp speed down the streets of Los Angeles, laptop or mobile device perched right in front of me, so I can keep both eyes right on it AND on the road. It's so much easier to ignore all the frightened screams and annoying honking when you've got Facebook to look at while driving. Thank you, Wheelmate!

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Anonymous Anonymous · 22d

I'd always wanted to be an Uber driver, but suffered from crippling social anxiety and agoraphobia. This seemed like the answer to my prayers, but then THE MAN told me I couldn't drive it on public roads. No problem though- I just had it reclassified as personal assistive mobility device and now I drive it on the sidewalks, through the Wal-Mart, to my kids' school band performances... wherever I like! BEST PART- I was able to sneak my entire family into Disneyland and only had to pay one admission

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Basically every review for Haribo Gold-Bears Gummi Candy, 5-Pound Bag.

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Very we'll behaved! He doesn't require much food or water, kinda just sits there. Good quality squirrel.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1mo

HELPFUL<I HOPE

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1mo

"I apologise in advance for the long winded review, in writing this I hope that it may even stop just one person experiencing what I and my family had to go through (and are still dealing with the emotional scars to this, group therapy is helping a little)

So to the review -
I accidentally had a handful of these sugar free gummy bears when a passenger in my car offered me some. I didn't even get a look at the bag so had no idea what I was letting myself in for. I swallowed the large handful of the seemingly innocent jellies. Within minutes my stomach started to cramp up and I instantly needed the toilet, unfortunately I was only 20 minute into an hours drive, so I then spent the longest 40 minutes of my sweating and shaking whilst using every ounce of my being squeezing my sphincter as hard as I could to stop an explosive excretion, which would have been complete career suicide with a car full of my work colleagues.

Finally I got back home, my knees trembling as I fumbled to get my belt open as I ran up the stairs to the bathroom. As soon as my cheeks made contact with the bowl, what ensued was something akin to a faeces hiroshima explosion. The force was so great that my excrement (now complete liquid) hit the toilet bowl in a wave like motion that sent most of it back up between my legs, leaving my groin(both the beans and the frank), stomach, chest, face and even the CEILING above my head dripping with my own warm faeces.

To say ive never been so disappointed with a confectionery product is an understatement, I can assure you, from now on, I will be sticking to my weekly 2kg tub of tangfastics in future.

Kind Regards
your Psychologically scarred and physically stained loyal Haribo customer"

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MOONCHILD
MOONCHILD · 22d

What the fuck...

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Fush Fush · 1mo

I once bought an Supreme Hoodie on Amazon and after a few days there came an box with a paper on it whichs says: "Supreme.com" , I opened it up and the only thing I saw was a blue paper with the text "SIKE" on it. Lmfao

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1mo

Atomic Balm

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Love this free wheelchair I finally wanted to be in a wheelchair for a hobby I can live in luxury with a joystick YAYYYY

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1mo

5 stars
I got a free cat in the box with this purchase but I'm not sure if I should open it to see if the cat is ok.

One star:
I typed this review with 4 arms and 3 eyes. Would not recommend

One star:I got cancer on my crotch
All can be found at the link

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"My young grand daughter downloaded without my permission and so she is not getting anything for her birthday this year." -Julie Wilkes, Beat the Boss 3

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this item can be found at


1/5 stars
Doesn't ship with steering wheel or vehicle
By BenWS on 3 Jun. 2015
Despite the pictures showing a fine young lady utilising this device in a vehicle, the product details do not state the fact that you need to provide your own steering wheel and car. I bought this product as I thought it was a cheap way into car ownership. Can you imagine my disappointment when it showed up in a box with nothing else inside?

Initially, I thought it was a box like the suitcase out of Mary Poppins. However, despite spending hours searching around in the box trying to find the extra space, all I found was a rusty staple. To add insult to injury, the staple wasn't even fit for purpose as I tried to fix my broken washing line with it and it bent.

If (like me) you are purchasing this item to provide a vehicle for your needs, you will be disappointed!

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Anonymous Anonymous · 2mo

"Handy bit of kit to have... only feedback I have is that it is to big to fit in a Victoria sponge that I was sending to my uncle in HMP Belmarsh. Fortunately it does fit inside a chocolate gataux so looking forward to spending Christmas together this year."

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Chidoe Chidoe · 3mo

"Magic stuff. Been taking 1 spoon a day for 3 weeks. I can now type this review using all 12 fingers." - Uranium Ore

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1/5 stars. With a misleading title I got a vibrator for my 4 year old for Christmas. I feel dumb now because the title said "fun toy for the bedroom." But it still said it was okay for kids! I was in a rush so I ordered that last minute and wrapped it as soon as it arrived. To make matters worse, it was supposed to be a present from Santa. I couldn't beleive my eyes when he opened it. The conversation with him was more awkward than when my parents had to explain to me it was the oval office not the oral office.

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Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

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Sugar Free Gummi Bears Review

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My 15 year old son asked for this for his birthday and when he got it he immediately put it on and started acting really strange, started yelling and screaming things like "hamburger please" and "why did you leave me". He also rolls round on the floor with it on and makes weird faces. I ask him why and he said that he must do it in the good name of chin chin. I'm really confused on why he acts so crazy with the suit on.

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