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Comebacks

A place to submit Comebacks.

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evbe17 evbe17 · 19h

This is why people talk behind your back

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Marc Marc · 1d

Me : I got my first kiss
Friend : Your mom doesn't count
Me : But yours does

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FluffyTorpedo
FluffyTorpedo · 1d

Wp

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Anonymous Anonymous · 4d

Random Irrelevant : Your ugly
Me : And you need some glasses and an appointment to the opticians. You can get free glasses if your under 16 or in your case, *desperate and elderly*

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Anonymous Anonymous · 4d

Random Irrelevant : Your ugly
Me : And you need some glasses and an appointment to the options. You can get free glasses if your under 16 or in your case, *desperate and elderly*

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Once I told this black kid that I didn't like that he was the only bad part of the slave trade

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Bully: (being a jerk)
Me: I'm going to hit you
Bully: (pointing to his cheek)
Me: what do you want? A kiss

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This was one of the first comebacks I ever did.
Me: Why are you so mean to me?
Bully: Well because you're annoying and I don't really like annoying people
Me: Then you must not like yourself.

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pnmf1 pnmf1 · 6d

My friend and I were talking about our ex boyfriends and just as I started talking my ex comes down the street and said "hey its the girl I asked out" and I said to my friend "Hmmm I haven't studied the moron language to much but in English I think that translates to "I am a loser" We laughed for the rest of the walk

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Thaphoe Thaphoe · 8d

"..."
Me: You know saying nothing would of gave the same effect, right? Stop trying to look like you're superior, you just made yourself look like a fool.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 11d

Edgy person with massive ego: *flips bird* F*ck you

Me: yeah you would

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Anonymous Anonymous · 11d

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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Randomer-*takes off my glasses without permission* How many fingers am I holding up!(laughs)
Me-"Before or after I BREAK THAT ONE OFF!"

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Bully: LET'S SETTLE THIS WITH FISTICUFFS!
Me: PUH-Lease! I'd have a bigger challenge playing Solitaire!

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tmac63 tmac63 · 17d

A Dumb Person: haha shut up 4 eyes
Me: Shut up Minimum Wage....
The Dumb Guy: What?
Me: Errr i don't know i was implying that your dumb and will get a minimum wage when your older

This actually happened,

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Mkey Mkey · 19d

Me: Were you with my mom last night?
Friend: Yeah *acts cool*
Me: So that's why she needed a microscope!

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Mkey Mkey · 19d

Me: Ugh.. this is so hard!
Friend: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAIID
Me: I bet she's never said that to you e.e

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Emo nemo Emo nemo · 19d · Edited

Random douchebag: eyy girl come ride on this dick
Me: sorry I don't ride things I can't see

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FluffyTorpedo
FluffyTorpedo · 19d

y isnt there a space after Me:

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FluffyTorpedo · 19d

:/

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Emo nemo
Emo nemo · 19d

I will fix that now

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FluffyTorpedo
FluffyTorpedo · 19d

thnx

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Irrelevant Person: I will flame you!
Me: After you do that, I guess I can tell all your friends that I'm hotter than you

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Bully: you're ugly
Me: Dude, the mirror is right over there.

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Mkey
Mkey · 19d

mirror jokes are waaay overused

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substitute teacher: are you chewing gum?
me: No, I'm Nathan

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AquaGamer
AquaGamer · 2d

Get dad joked xd

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