A place to submit your FML (F*ck My Life) stories.
Came out of an indoor swimming pool and headed for the shower. I found a vacant one and thought I would use it. It turns out someone had uses it not only to shower but to egest there feces, I didn't realise until after I put my bear foot in it.
One of my dogs was having digestive issuers and was pooping more than usual so we had to keep an eye on her. She walked into another room so I paused what i was doing to follow her. I found her squaring over the floor. Right as I rushed over to get her outside, she shat on the carpet. A huge, runny pile of shit on my white carpet.
Once I was at my aunt's birthday party. We had just finished singing the birthday song. I was video taping it because the cake had one of those fancy candles. Suddenly, my arm decided that this would be a great time to have a random spasm. My phone fell right onto a glass of wine. Let's just say I may have ruined her dress....
One time I was walking the dog with my family. I had the leash and just for fun I was running after birds with him. What I didn't expect was for one bird to be a lazy ass and not try to escape until my dog had it in its mouth. I stood there awkwardly as my parents screamed at my dog and tried to get the bird out. I'm pretty sure said bird broke it's wing. I felt guilty for the rest of the day. Still kinda do.
In middle school my old ass teacher was early, so she stoped in the middle of a two lane road blocking traffic on our lane waiting for when the scheduled time to go to school was. We were 15 minutes late because she was early.
In my highschool band, i got told told i was an alternate in a pretty mean way. During the first few days of band, the staff said they were going to put some of us as an alternate, and they were going to individually approach people in the band to say that they are alternates. I was not told, so i thought i was in the main show. So i was relieved. Weeks later, we were getting our dot sheets for the show. I went to get mine and i found it mine was not there. Then i found out from the upperclassmen that i was an alternate as my dot sheet wasnt there. I told i wasnt aprroached on the day they were announccing the alts, and they said that alternates in my section werent approached yet. I wasnt in a good mood like everyone else.
In Biology class, we were doing finger pricks to learn our blood types. When I learned my blood type, I looked at the Punnett square chart in my textbook and realized that my blood type was not compatible with either of my parents. I learned that I was adopted in science class. FML
I told my 3 year old daughter to leave her doll in the car while we went shopping so it wouldn't get lost. When I got back, my car's windows had been smashed and there was a paramedic breathing into the doll's mouth. Someone called the police because they thought I left a baby inside a hot car. FML
Okay, about 2 years ago. When I was in 7th grade, I was a Top Honors ELA student in my class and the teacher made me be the teacher for a day. For all of her ELA classes and the principal agreed with it, as well. So, for her 7th grade class. I decided to throw on a movie, (my choice). I think it was about clowns. The teacher says it was okay, since it was rated G. So, the movie got to this part where the clown nose got took off and you could see the inside of the nose. (Red and bloody). And, the kid screamed Holy F***king Sh*t!!!!!!!!!!! I was so embarrased, I screamed so loud and everyone was laughing. I got suspended from the school and wasn't allowed to be in any school. So, I have to be homeschooled for the rest of my life. I'm in 9th grade, sooo fmlll.