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_arnx_ _arnx_ · 57m

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off a boat?

Because if they fell forward they'd land in the boat

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What did the intelligent skeleton say to the not-so-intelligent skeleton?

"I have a calcium rod to pick with you!"

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my life :/

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TyKimyl TyKimyl · 4d

Me: This is a yes or no question, only answer as yes or no.
Friend: Okay.
Me: Do your parents know you pooped your diaper today?

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Anonymous Anonymous · 6d

Wouldn't it be great if we got a room full of dads and had them tell dad jokes to each other?
"Dad, can we go home i'm hungry"
*all dads chant simultaneously* "HI HUNGRY I'M DAD!"

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Anonymous Anonymous · 9d

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

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Anonymous Anonymous · 9d

"I'm sorry, but we don't serve faster-than-light particles in here."

A Tachyon walks into the bar.

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Once there was a boy made out of glass. He tripped up. I guess you could say he was pretty shattered.

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_arnx_ _arnx_ · 12d

Saw a street named Procrastination. The street wasn't finished yet

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Runk Runk · 12d

I was walking around the back of a restaurant and discovered a giant freezer. I walked into the freezer with curiosity. little to my knowledge, this guy shut the door on me, my immediate reaction was to get someone to help me, so ice-creamed

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9niner 9niner · 13d

What type of phones do bunnies use?

iHops.

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What do you call prisoners who take their own mugshots?

Cellfies

Comment if you know where I got this from ;)

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If we put wheels on heatproof mats for our hot drinks, would they be ROLLER-COASTERS?

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Okay, so my dad's friend used to go fishing with Skrillex but they stopped cause he kept dropping the bass.

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FluffyTorpedo FluffyTorpedo · 23d · Edited

Have you heard about the guy who got hit with a soda can, he's lucky it was a soft drink.

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What is brown and sticky

a stick

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What do you do at an airport terminal?
HANGAR-ound...

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Have you heard of the new broom that came out? Its sweeping the nation!

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evbe17 evbe17 · 25d

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

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The storeroom for my canteen just got bombed. It's now raining KitKats and hot dogs...

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