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A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
To combat noise Madrid hired mimes to go around shushing people. Who thought you could make mimes even more annoying?
When you speak French to your wife named Hon and you have to remind her about the agreement to not divorce because of a car you own.
Her: What instrument do you play?
Me: The Trombone.
(adj.) refers to someone who speaks two languages, but is losing memory on how to speak both of them.
I went to a pun contest and submitted ten puns in hopes of winning. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I don't see myself as a married guy. I still see myself as a pirate.
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
That's a lot of Sprite
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.
I remember the first time I hitch hiked I got beat up. Yeah, I used
the wrong finger.
I loaned a friend of mine 8000$ for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
The word "ejaculate" sure is a mouthful.
I was so giddy to type this out
"Hey, do you got any dice on you?"
"No, but I wanna die"
How do the Chinese name their babies? They drop them down the stairs and listen to what noises they make.
How High is a China Man? Thats his name Hoa-Hi
Just screwed up an entire year in a matter of seconds
I've gotta say.... Not a huge fan.