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A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

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To combat noise Madrid hired mimes to go around shushing people. Who thought you could make mimes even more annoying?

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Hsien Hsien · 17h · Edited

When you speak French to your wife named Hon and you have to remind her about the agreement to not divorce because of a car you own.

Hon, d’accord.

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Hsien Hsien · 18h

Her: What instrument do you play?
Me: The Trombone.
Also me:

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Hsien Hsien · 20h

byelingual /ˈbaɪlɪŋgʊəl/
(adj.) refers to someone who speaks two languages, but is losing memory on how to speak both of them.

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3x6x0 3x6x0 · 1d

I went to a pun contest and submitted ten puns in hopes of winning. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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I don't see myself as a married guy. I still see myself as a pirate.

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I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 3d

That's a lot of Sprite

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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.

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I remember the first time I hitch hiked I got beat up. Yeah, I used
the wrong finger.

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I loaned a friend of mine 8000$ for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 4d

Cutting edge

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Anonymous Anonymous · 4d

Cheesy af

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Anonymous Anonymous · 4d

The word "ejaculate" sure is a mouthful.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 6d

I was so giddy to type this out

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"Hey, do you got any dice on you?"
"No, but I wanna die"

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How do the Chinese name their babies? They drop them down the stairs and listen to what noises they make.
How High is a China Man? Thats his name Hoa-Hi

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Just screwed up an entire year in a matter of seconds

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Anonymous Anonymous · 9d

I've gotta say.... Not a huge fan.

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