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God Creating Animals
God Creating Animals

A place to submit how God created animals.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 8m

God creating Dung Beetles

God- Make it roll up balls of other animal's shit and live inside the shit because why the fuck not.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 10m

God Creating Tardigrades

God: Make it be nightmare fuel.
Angel: Anything else?
God: It's name will sound like something on a fucking report card from school.

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evbe17 evbe17 · 2h

God creating dogs
God- You're a man's best friend
Dog- Pretty sexist
God- No man as in every-...fuck it you can't talk
Dog- ...
God- and chocolate kills you

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God creating alpacas
God: Make a furry giraffe

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InvincibleForever
InvincibleForever · 8h

I laughed at this way harder then I should have...

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evbe17 evbe17 · 19h

God creating kittens
God- Make them really fluffy and adorable
Angel- Aw that's so swe-
God- Put razors on their feet

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God: Hey you remember ants?
Angel: The scarily capable and intelligent insects that could probably take over the entire world and wipe out pretty much everything if they were bigger?
God: Yes! Them!
Angel: What about them?
God: Lets make them, but bigger!
Angel:* Are you actually joking what is wrong with you*

~Humans

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XenoXTA XenoXTA · 2d

God creating the moth:

Angel: God, this butterfly is broken.
God: Leave it. I've made another one.
Angel: But what to I do with them? They're all grey and dusty and can't fly straight.
God: Just let them out at night...
(Angel face-palms)
-XTA

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XenoXTA XenoXTA · 2d

God creating the ray:

Angel: Have you made the sharks yet?
God: ...Sort of...
Angel: AHHH! What did you do?!
God: I may have sat on the prototype... It looks cool though, I might keep it...
Angel: The poor things are flat as pancakes!
God: I know, so I gave a couple of them barbed tails to say sorry...
(Angel face-palms)
-XTA

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XenoXTA XenoXTA · 2d

God creating the giraffe:

Angel: How's the African cow coming along?
God: Okay... I just want to make it different.
Angel: Give us a look then...
(looks)
Angel: Whoa! You gave it horns!
God: What do you think?
Angel: It's a bit of a stretch...
God: Brilliant idea!
(Angel face-palms)
-XTA

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XenoXTA XenoXTA · 2d

God creating the anglerfish:

God: Ta-da!
Angel: AHHH! It's hideous!
God: I know, I thought that, so I'm making it live in the abyss so that no one can see it.
Angel: Okay, cool, but how will it see for itself?
God: Oh sh*t! I didn't think of that...
Angel: Could you give it a light?
God: You idiot! It's a fish! It can't hold things, it has fins...
Angel: Then... I dunno... Stick it on it's head...?
God: Uh... I guess...
-XTA

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Anonymous Anonymous · 2d

God creating the dung beetle

How about an insect that rolles balls of poop and lives in it

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Anonymous Anonymous · 6d

God: whoa these are so cool!
Angel: um, about that
God: what?
Angel: they're all dead now
God: ....
God: you're fired
-dinosaurs

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Thaphoe Thaphoe · 6d

God: Just shave a wooly mammoth and paint it gray.

-Elephant

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The Proboscis Monkey

"Ehh fuck it give it a dick for a nose."

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Dusty Dusty · 9d

God making the Angel.

God: Satan, I don't understand this E-mail you sent me. Yeah, I need slaves, but what's an "angel"?
Satan: Whoops, I misspelled "angle".
God: Screw it, that's what I'm calling them.
Satan: I should make my own slaves too...
God: What are you gonna call them?
Satan: I dunno.

GET IT?

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Anonymous Anonymous · 9d

God: Lets make a retarted sack of depression that can barely move

And Thus, the sloth

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Dusty
Dusty · 9d

No no, that's how I was born.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 10d

God Making Cats

God: We need a different type of dog.
Angel: Okay, what's going to be different?
God: It will hate you.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 10d

God making anacondas
I'll use my peepee as a model

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God: I want a mole with wings!
Angel: So, it's above the ground? You know, moles can't see very well, you should probably give it Vision again!
God: BOOOORRIIIINNNGGG!!! Let it use echos or something. Call it similar to other animals out at night. Something that rhymes to cat and rat.
Angel: Bat maybe?
God: Yeah, whatever.

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God creating kittens
God: Ok angel, let's make the cutest, fluffiest thing known to man!
Angel: Ok, here you go!
God: NOW SHOVE A DEMON INTO IT!
Angel: Wait, WHAT!?

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