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God Creating Animals
God Creating Animals

A place to submit how God created animals.

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God creating elephants

God: Let's make a big ass grey fatass with big ass ears and long ass nose and some fatass legs.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 3d

God creating seals
God: How about a potato with flippers

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Anonymous Anonymous · 3d

God creating a monkey
God : make a human with a tail and make it look like it is retarded oh and make it throw it’s shit at actual humans

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Anonymous Anonymous · 10d

(Not an animal, but...) GOD CREATING EARTH - Angel: OK, (puts triangle earth, cube earth and sphere earth on table) what shape will you choose for earth? God: (Points at sphere earth) I like that one. Angel: but what if humans think it's fla-(slapped)

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Giraffes

God: Angel
Angel: Yes?
God: Take a horse and stretch its neck out as far as you can
Angel: Ummm okay anything else?
God: give it a ton of spots. Ohhhh and a huge black tongue!
Angel: God, you are high.

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Parrots

God: Alright... we need a new bird species... what should we give it?
Angel 1: pretty colors!
God: not bad
Angel 2: maybe you could keep them as pets?
God: even better
Angel 3: *high af* how about it can say words like a human
God: YES

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trashcan trashcan · 19d · Edited

Blobfish.
God: okay so blobfish
Angel: whats the fin structure-
God: LETS MAKE IT A RANDOM PINK BLOB
Angel 2: god wait-
God: WITH GAPING BLACK HOLES FOR EYES
Angel: wait
God: AND IT LOOKS WEIRD
Angel 3: ffs god

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Anonymous Anonymous · 20d

The naked mole rat.
God: ok let’s take this mouse....
Angel: and...?
God: leave it in this windex bucket for a while

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Anonymous Anonymous · 20d

(God creating chickens)

God:Let's make a turkysaurous rex

Angel:Ummm

God: Let's also make it retarded and taste good

Angel: Lemme hook you ip with a therepist

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Anonymous Anonymous · 21d

G̥ͦo̥ͦd̥ͦ c̥ͦr̥ͦe̥ͦḁͦt̥ͦi̥ͦn̥ͦg̥ͦ t̥ͦh̥ͦe̥ͦ w̥ͦḁͦs̥ͦp̥ͦ:
God: we need more flying predetors
Angel: I know—
God: A wasp! Make it a cunt with wings
Angel: ...

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Anonymous Anonymous · 21d

God Creating The Okapi

God: I don't know what the fuck was in that joint but I have an idea. How about like a deer zebra giraffe thingy?

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Anonymous Anonymous · 21d

God creating penguins

Penguin: Hey God now its my turn to be created!
God: Ok, but you don’t have so much to choose from.
Penguin: I want beautiful colors!
God: Nahh we ran out of colors so you’ll get black and white.
Penguin: Then I want big beautiful wings so i can fly!
God: No you won’t need to fly, you’ll just swim after fish.
Penguin: Atleast give me a nice warm place to live!
God: No there is no more space there, But there is alot of space in the Antartis!
Penguin: Aww God why?!

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God creating sponges

God: So I think our animals should be multicellular
Angel: Ooh, think of the possibilities
God: I know, first we'll make a tube

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Anonymous Anonymous · 21d

God: make it a horse but with a long ass neck
Angel:...
God: oh and well call IT a Girrafe

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Anonymous Anonymous · 22d

(God creating the wasp)
God: Make it a f*cking c*nt
Angel: Oh fuck

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Anonymous Anonymous · 23d

(God creates the fly)
God: Make a tiny thing that flys
Angel: Okay
God: And make it as annoying as possible
Angel:..um ok
God: Oh! Don’t forget to make it vomit every where!
Angel:...you’re kidding, right?

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Treelo Treelo · 23d · Edited

(God creating the octopus)
God: So give it 6 legs and 2 arms
Angel: Umm, k?
God: also, make sure each limb has it’s own brain because we need smart tentacle porn
Angel: [thinking God is insane] wait can I stop you for a second
God: .....and of course three hearts
Angel: seriously do we need to talk
God: CAMOUFLAGE. It needs CAMOUFLAGE
Angel: *sigh* ok what else
God: make it able to shape shift
Angel: annnnnnd?
God:........………......make it excrete black ink
Angel: okay we are done here
God: WAIT!
Angel: what the h e c k do you want now
God: I forgot I wanted to add sucker things to the legs and arms
Angel: .........
God: make it’s eyes huge too and give it limb regeneration
Angel: Okay ONE more thing and we’re done
God: give it the beak of a bird
Angel: and what is this monstrosity going to be called sir?
God: the “octopus,” but make sure that the plural of it is debated for like thousands of years
Angel: b r i l l i a n t

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Anonymous Anonymous · 23d

[God creating the praying mantis]
God: Make an insect that does karate.
Angel: Ok...
God: Now make it bite off its husbands head!
Angel: Dude we need to talk.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 23d

[God creating the ocean]
God: Just put friggen water everywhere.
Angel: Nice, that way if they're thirsty they-
God: make it undrinkable

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Anonymous Anonymous · 23d

[God creating sea gorses]
God: Give them a horses head,
Angel: Sure.
God: And gills, and tiny baby fins.
Angel: Weird but okay.
God: Annnnd the males give birth.
Angel: Woah wtf dude.

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