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Dad:Liam You Left Youre Phone Here...

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Anonymous Anonymous · 4h

guy one : dont save my name as anything sketchy. guy 2 : ok man i gotchu. saves it as not my drug dealer

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Blubbz Blubbz · 1d

(Check my post on Puns, it was the funniest text ever)

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1d

Mom:

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Person 1: Hey are you free on Tuesday? I want to see a movie or something.
Person 2: Damn right I'm free.
Person 2: This is America.
Person 2: *Sends picture of eagle with American flag in the background*

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Tfire2 Tfire2 · 2d

Mom:hey honey what have you beendoing today
Me:jerking off,watching porn,playing overwatch
Mom:WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THIS
me:you asked

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Random person: HEY GIRL WHAT DAT MOUTH DO?!?
Me:breathe?
Rp:what else?
Me:eat
Rp: what it eat
Me:food
Rp:what else
Me:drink
Rp:what it drink?
Me:water
Rp:what else
Me:it eats the souls of my enimes
Rp: sh*t what else?
Me: it commands police to track your number perv
Rp: FR*CK

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Friend 1 - What's up?
Friend 2 - I'm just watching a movie.
Friend 1 - Cool! What's it about?
Friend 2 - A man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer, and his son is left physically disabled. A few years later, his son is kidnapped, and he has to travel thousands of miles to save him, with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend 1 - Dang, sounds intense! What's the name of the movie?
Friend 2 - Finding Nemo.
Friend 1 - ...

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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 4d

BAGELS!!!

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URockMyWorld
URockMyWorld · 4d

Um...what?

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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 4d

BAGELS!!!

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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 4d

I did a challenge with myself to respond to a few random posts with simply the word 'bagels'.

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URockMyWorld
URockMyWorld · 4d

Oh, ok

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awesomephantomgirl55
awesomephantomgirl55 · 3d

WAFFLES

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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 3d

FRE SHA VACA DO!!

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Anonymous
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Mom: Son, here's a random question. If you have 10 chocolate cakes and someone asks for 2 of the chocolate cakes, how many will you have left?
Son: 10.
Mom: What if they force you?
Son: Still 10.
Mom: What if they STEAL it?
Son: 10 and a dead body.

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Idunno
Idunno · 5d

XD

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Nightwoods
Nightwoods · 5d · Edited

That's probably what would happen with me too.

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Idunno
Idunno · 5d

It's great

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Anonymous
GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 4d

BAGELS!!! BAGELS!!!

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Anonymous Anonymous · 6d

Mother: Your fifth cousin twice removed just died. LOL

Son: What's so funny, mom?

Mother: *Gasp* Wha? Nothing's funny about one of our closet relative's death!

Son: Mom, LOL means Laugh Out Loud!

Mother: Uh-oh... I sent that out to every relative that ranges from you to your twenty-fourth cousin! I better send apologies, and fast!

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Anonymous Anonymous · 7d

(Conversation Of Dad And Son)

Dad: Don't Forget you have sex with him lessons at 4 o'clock. I hope you practiced your lesson and do not forget to take your book.

Dad: Omg I Meant Saxophone Lessons!

Son: What... Lol

Dad: You Have Saxophone Lessons.

Son: Lol I'm Forwarding this to everyone.

Dad; Please don't

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(In a conversation of Dad and Son)
Dad: What should we do tonight baby? :3
Son: We should sleep~
Dad: No,we did that every night,i want to have another kid :3
Son: No,i don't want it
Dad: I want it,please do that tonight....
Son: I am in school right now,don't keep sending me these things
Dad: Oops,i wanted to send that to your mom,sorry son.
Son: Now i got punished by the teacher,thank you dad.
Dad: ....

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Idunno
Idunno · 7d

WTF?

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URockMyWorld
URockMyWorld · 4d

I'm with you Idunno, this doesn't make any sense to me.

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Anonymous
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URockMyWorld URockMyWorld · 9d · Edited

Boy - I want to watch a scary movie. You choose.
Girl - Justin Bieber's "Baby" music video
Boy - Oh Lord No. Not that scary.

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Anonymous
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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 4d

BAGELS!!!

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awesomephantomgirl55
awesomephantomgirl55 · 3d

Waffles

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URockMyWorld
URockMyWorld · 3d

XD

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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 3d

FRE SHA VACA DO!!!

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Anonymous
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Boyfriend: Soo... tonight, why don't you come over and we can have some fun? ;)
Girlfriend: OMG REALLY??
Boyfriend: Yes. :)
Girlfriend: Okay, I can bring the 64 pack of crayons, you got coloring books? I have a unicorn one and a Harry Potter.
Boyfriend: ...
Girlfriend: Oh, you meant the other kind of fun. Nah, not tonight.

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Girlfriend: Tell me something that will make me wet. xxxx
Boyfriend: Go outside. It's raining.
Girlfriend: Try again. xxxx
Boyfriend: Don't use an umbrella.

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Me-church makes me want to actually fucking shoot myself
Friend- good morning to you too

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Anonymous Anonymous · 11d

Friend - Dude! A tree just fell out in the middle of the road and nobody can get by
Me - Jesus man. Call the fire department, they'll remove it
Friend - No, this seems silly
Me - WHAT IF SOME KID WITH CANCER ON HIS LAST SECONDS OF LIFE SITTING THERE IN THE BACK OF A HOSPITAL CAR, A PART OF THE MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION, NEEDS TO GET TOT HE HOSPITAL AND THEY CAN'T BECAUSE THERE'S A TREE IN THE WAY, BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
Friend - STOP!! YOU'RE GIVING ME ANXIETY D':
Me - HE'S GONNA DIE NOW AND IT'S GONNA BE ALL YOUR FAULT YOU MURDERER
Friend - STOOOOOOP!!!!!

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Anonymous
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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 4d

BAGELS!!!

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awesomephantomgirl55
awesomephantomgirl55 · 3d

WAFFLES!!!!!

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GoldenFreddyGaming44
GoldenFreddyGaming44 · 3d

CHEESECAKE!!!

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Anonymous
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Anonymous Anonymous · 13d

Sister:I am facetimeing some one
Me:Fuck you you sack of shit you don't even know how to do it
Sister: oh right................
Me:.....
Sister:u know we on a cruise right?

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Person - I can't find my phone.
Friend - Seems like you have another problem too.
Person - What do you mean?
Friend - Someone stole your phone and is texting me off it.
Person - O.O D:< WHO?
Friend - Just a really stupid person...

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Me- HI!
Friend-Hi... :(
Me-Go to calbel.com/ReasonsToSmile

5 mins later

Friend- :)

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Anonymous
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Houdini
Houdini · 15d

This doesn't make sense because it's for a scavenger hunt!

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Waffle
Waffle · 14d

Wut

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Houdini
Houdini · 14d

Go to my post from around the same time in crazy ideas! ;)

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Anonymous
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