A place to submit Total Dad Moves.
One beautiful December night, my dad and I went to JcPenney just to look around at all of the Christmas decorations. They put up big displays of various Christmas folktales, and when we got to the Nut-cracker display, Dad exclaimed, "Look, Nate! It's the Nut-cracker! Also known as, YOUR MOTHER!" He gave me the most unremorseful face I have ever seen. I swear to God they were about about seven kids near us and plenty of adults staring. A couple giggled, but that didn't break the embarrassing silence. At that very moment. I understood why my parents never got along.
My dad has a bunch of generic white dad friends; Birkenstocks with socks, brown army shorts and white polo t-shirts. So one time they were gathering at this house for some bbq and I walked into the room like ' Dad I'm hungry wheres the sausages' and they all just stared at me and I realised what a shit move I made. And I swear to god this is real, they said in unison, "hi hungry im dad'
He texts all of his kids, nieces, and his sister a video of the "Feats of Magnificence" every morning. The first one was the "napkin trick" where you put a napkin to your face and just stick your touge out, then that trick where you put a rubber glove on your head and blow it up with your nose (and ended up actually launching it off his head), and the most recent, saying he thought hard on how to top the last one, his "Feat of Magnificence"- his feet. It all ended with a dad joke. He even got my grandpa to help with some. 2 generations of dad jokes.
Me: "Mom, can I get Call of Duty WWII? It just came out yesterday!"
Mom: "How much is it?"
Me: "...Seventy nine dollars..."
Mom: "NOPE! WE ARE DEFINETLY NOT GOING TO BU--"
Dad: "Sure, we can get that game." *Starts driving to GameStop*