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Funny Cards Against Humanity
Answers.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 20m

God creating Dung Beetles

God- Make it roll up balls of other animal's shit and live inside the shit because why the fuck not.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 22m

God Creating Tardigrades

God: Make it be nightmare fuel.
Angel: Anything else?
God: It's name will sound like something on a fucking report card from school.

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Does anyone remember that game moshi monsters? It probably came out around 2010 or 2011

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Keela
Keela · 20m

i have soooooo many monsters on that game lmao, they're all dead now

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Emo nemo
Emo nemo · 19m

Ok, I wanted to see if anyone else remembered it, any time I ask my brother and sister about it, hey don't remember, even though we all used to argue over who got to play next

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Once when I was walking home from school, on a cloudy day, I swear to god I saw my imaginary friend from my childhood walking across the street from me, at the same pace, he had his hands in his pockets and he looked down, at one point he looked over at me, smiled, and jumped straight up to the top of a chapel, took off his top hat, did a mini bowe, and jumped away. I ran as fast as I could away, and no one believes that it happened

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Today, I was gonna type in "psn" on Google but I typed too fast and I typed in "pns" instead. It searched up "peripheral nervous system."

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This is more of an "I remember this happening but can't prove it" post. Started off the day with a wake-and-bake. Playing GTAV. Walking through a crowded area, when EVERY SINGLE NPC stops walking, turns to look at Michael. "This is kinda creepy" i thought to myself. Until every npc in sync snaps their head around to look at the camera. Looking directly at me. Then again in sync they all continue on their day. Acting like normal npcs. I was frozen. Still havent played gtav since then. I was recording at the time and when i went back to look at the footage nothing was out of the ordinary.

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Chromata
This isn't weird. It's just awesome

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1h

One day, Idunno went to the hospital to have some plastic surgery. Keela was at the front desk.

Idunno: Keela, I have a devastating problem!

Keela: What? Heart failure? Internal bleeding? A roommate who listens to Justin Bieber? What is it? What? What? WHAT?

Idunno: I want to change my look! I'm tired of being a troll face with a strangely thin body! Change me into a Limbo character with a bloody baseball bat!

Keela: Okay, I will send you up to some albino cat to get your surgery.

Idunno: Ya mean Cilidiaz?

Keela: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

So, Idunno ran up to "the albino cat" to get surgery.

Cilidiaz: So, uh, you want to possess a completely different appearance?

Idunno: Well, of course! Isn't that what all plastic surgery is?

Cilidiaz: Uh, yeah, now get on the bed and take your anesthetics.

Idunno did dat and then Cilidiaz started surgery. Of course, changing a slender stick figure with a troll face with a head into a Limbo character with a healthy bubble body was not easy, but Cilidiaz could do it. She could do it with intense work, lots of sleep and coaching, and tons of focus. After eight weeks of surgery, the deed was finally done.

Cildiaz: Oh my god, it's been like two years, and now I'm finally done with the surgery! This is one of the most satisfying moments of my life!

Cilidiaz woke up Idunno and he took a look at himself in the mirror.

Idunno: Wow, you did such a great job! You even replaced my bloody knife with a bloody baseball bat!

Cilidiaz: Oh, it was no problem! It was only THE MOST HORRIFIC AND TIRING EXPERIENCE I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE FIVE MONTHS OF EXISTENCE!

So, Idunno payed Cilidiaz a fortune, and he walked outside to the world, after eight weeks of being in the hospital. So, he went and lived his life, while no one recognised who he was.

ThEnd

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Cilidiaz
Cilidiaz · 1h

Amazing story! But excuse me? Five months? I'm 2256 years old! I'm immortal thanks to the deal I made with Satan! By the way, Satanist helped me with the surgery, since she's a great surgeon, and a great doctor!

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Idunno
Idunno · 48m

This isn't what happened but nice story anyways :D

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1h

YouTube should invent a "shuffle" button on each YouTube channel fpr video roulette.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 1h

Americans then: Patriotic, eager to join the army, happy lives
Americans now:" I F***KING HATE AMERICA!!!!!!! PRESIDENT SHOULD DIE. ISLAM,FASCISM AND COMMUNISM ARE GREAT!!!!! WHITES STRAIGHTS HETEROS CISGENDERS AND MEN SHOULD DIE!!! and I am peaceful

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Anonymous Anonymous · 2h

100% of chairs are made for sitting in.

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I used to think that there was a tiny cover band in the glove box of all cars that would play the songs on the radio

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Anonymous Anonymous · 2h

Animal genocide
-Angry Birds

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Middeh Middeh · 2h

I remember Mona Lisa having a straight expression on her face, but she's actually smiling.

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Middeh Middeh · 2h

Kit Kit isn't spelled like "Kit/Kat" It's spelled Kit Kat, with no dash.

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CrystalMajestica
CrystalMajestica · 2h

You mean "-" instead of "/"? You put a slash.

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evbe17 evbe17 · 2h

God creating dogs
God- You're a man's best friend
Dog- Pretty sexist
God- No man as in every-...fuck it you can't talk
Dog- ...
God- and chocolate kills you

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Middeh Middeh · 3h

Don't you remember Curious George with a tail? He actually doesn't have one.

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Anonymous Anonymous · 3h

Me and my friend got the munchies so we decided to go to mcdonalds. I had a wierd side-effect that felt like my feet was underwater, so when we enterd mcdonalds I screamed: HOLY SHIT, THEY HAVE MCDONALDS ON THE BEACH?!

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evbe17 evbe17 · 3h

I always thought when you saw a blind driveway sign that there was a blind person in that driveway

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